I have been thinking a lot about 2018 over the last few months. Specifically about my goals in all of my aspects of life. Last night I found out that I did not make it through to the next round for the Sundance Institute Lab where I submitted my webseries “This Is The Motherhood”. Sure I was disappointed. Though I wasn’t really upset. I actually don’t have much of a fear of failure. I never have. I am not ashamed or scared at all to try for something and to put myself out there. To ask for what I want. I am not afraid of “no” because I know that I don’t want things that are not meant for me. If I am not a fit, I am okay with that because I am confident that I fit somewhere and it is perfect for me.
What is weird though is that I have been struggling with getting increasingly anxious about hearing back from them. It is so different for me to feel this way. Logically I know that I could create this webseries in my sleep and execute it well never needing the Sundance Institute’s help, but something I have realized is that for a very long time I have just done things on my own and not worried about collaboration. Sure I have collaborated on individual projects and been on teams, but when it comes to things that are my babies? I don’t give up any control. This is the first time that I am really asking for someone else to validate my project. It was absolutely terrifying!
This year I am changing direction. In that past I have really enjoyed working with other amazing bloggers on various projects, but I need to return to my roots in film. I have grown to love blogging though and writing about motherhood here has become a safe space. I chose the word “Actualize” as my word for 2018. It was hard to find just one word for a number of reasons, but at the end of the day it is obvious to me that it is time to quit dreaming and excusing and start doing. I have a few different things coming around in 2018. I hope you all stick around to take the ride with me.
Do you have a word of the year? What is it? Why is this the year that word matters most?